Strangers zip in and out of our lives almost constantly every day. They nudge in next to us on the El, they ring up our groceries, and even campaign for offices that govern our city. But despite a “Hello” here or an “I’ll vote for you” there, our interactions with these people are sparse.
Maybe that’s a good thing—one of our mothers’ earliest warnings was to avoid people we don’t know. But what if—now that we’re all grown up—we did take that metaphorical candy from a stranger? Could it add something to our lives? Spark a lifelong friendship, or maybe an opportunity?
Those are questions we may soon have an answer to thanks to an impossibly charming local sales representative, who recently embarked on an ambitious mission to meet with 10,000 strangers for one hour each. As someone relatively new to Philadelphia (he moved here in 2013 to work for local startup RJMetrics), 25-year-old Rob Lawless saw the project as a quick way to make new friends and get to know this new city he calls home. But as he nears his 70th meetup, he’s starting to see advantages he never imagined—for him and for those involved.
The undertaking was inspired by New Yorker writer Malcolm Gladwell’s theory that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. Lawless handily admits he isn’t sure what kind of expert he could become by meeting so many people, but connecting with others is something he naturally enjoys. “When I was [studying] at Penn State, I always used to stop to say hi to the people I knew or slightly knew on the way to class,” he says. “I really enjoyed that feeling of knowing the people around me. I think this will allow me capture that same feeling in Philly.”
“The way I see it, you can either view Philly as the city you exist in or the community you’re part of,” Lawless says. “More and more, I see it the second way, because I’m beginning to understand who’s around me.”
Lawless kicked off the initiative last November; by now, he has connected with 65 people at locations all around the city. (I spent an hour with him two weeks ago at The Last Drop.) He’s met with artists, students, musicians, and even an ABC traffic reporter, all of whom have given him a peek into worlds he may otherwise never have known. An hourlong meeting, he says, gives him and his guest a chance to dig deeper, to be able to get past the small talk so they can get to know each other a little below the surface.
Already, the one-on-one encounters have enriched Lawless’s relationship to Philadelphia. After meeting with local street artist Amber Lynn, for example, he now has a more meaningful experience when he sees one of her iconic goth hearts wheat-pasted on an abandoned building or storefront. On another outing, he met with a transgender woman who helped him more fully understand what it means to not identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. That’s something this frat boy from Norristown may never have known—until he asked. Perhaps more importantly, he learned that being trans was just a piece of her life; it didn’t define who she was.
“She was also an actress, a quilt maker, a concert producer, an artist, and a mother,” he says. “Going into our meeting, I thought I’d learn a lot about [her] being transgender, but I really just learned a lot about her as another human being.”
In meeting with so many different people from different backgrounds, Lawless says he’s becoming more aware of the things that are important to them and why. “I’m also generally more aware of Philly,” he says. “Almost half of my meetings have occurred in places I’ve never been. It’s getting easier to paint a clear picture of the city because I’m seeing so many angles of it.”
But he’s not the only one reaping benefits.
One of his favorite stories is his meetup with Philly Magic Gardens creator Isaiah Zagar. They were strolling down East Passyunk Avenue one day when they stopped into a boutique where a clerk just so happened to be creating her own Zagar-inspired mural in the alley behind the store. Zagar was impressed enough to invite the woman over later to teach her some of his techniques.
“Right there, you see the impact of his project,” says Tracy Buchholz, a communications officer at the Support Center for Child Advocates. She was Lawless’s 49th meetup and the person who connected him with Zagar. “I’m confident there will be many more stories of others connecting because of Rob, which means not only is he able to fulfill his goal, but also be able to do a greater good by connecting others for projects, conversations, and bringing together people that would otherwise stay strangers passing on the street.”
Lawless hopes to finish the project by the time he’s 35, which means he’ll have to schedule three meetings every day for the next 10 years. That’s a lot of commitment for a guy with a 40-hour-a-week job, but he says he’s not sweating it.
The ability to inspire those types of connections between others isn’t something Lawless expected to happen when he began his mission, but now that it’s manifesting, he hopes to keep it up. It’s helped him understand that community is more than a bunch of people living in the same area—it’s the knowing, the sharing, the willingness to give a piece of your time to someone else. He hopes these meetups encourage others to see that, too.
“It would be awesome to see other people in Philly break out of their shells and start to meet people,” he says.“I think knowing the people around you is what makes a strong community. The way I see it, you can either view Philly as the city you exist in or the community you’re part of—more and more, I see it the second way, because I’m beginning to understand who’s around me.”
Lawless hopes to finish the project by the time he’s 35, which means he’ll have to schedule three meetings every day for the next 10 years. That’s a lot of commitment for a guy with a 40-hour-a-week job, but he says he’s not sweating it.
“Having a 10-year timeline may seem like a long time to some people, but to me it seems short,” Lawless says. “Part of what I hope to show through this project is that being patient and building things step-by-step can lead you to some pretty amazing outcomes.”
As far as what he’s actually building, time will only tell. Personally, he hopes to quit his job so he can focus on the venture full-time. To do that, he’s considering starting a blog, where he could sell ads and maybe secure sponsorships. Down the road, he’d also like to film a documentary and maybe even write a book about the experience.
For now, he’s documenting the whole thing on Instagram, where he posts photos and short bios on each of his new friends. So far he’s depended on word of mouth to organize meetings—one connection will introduce him to a few more people, and the cycle continues. He likes that organic approach, but with nine-and-a-half years and 9,935 more people to go, he’s going to have to up his game. If you want to take part, contact Lawless to pencil in your hour meeting. You can reach him via email at [email protected] or direct message him on Instagram at @robs10kfriends.
Photo Header: Rob Lawless with his 42nd meetup, James Adams
