One of the things I like most about living in the United Kingdom is the sense of history. On my 5-minute walk to the coffee shop each morning, I pass the remains of a guard tower and defensive wall built 100 years before King Henry VIII was born. Nearby is a Tudor House and a hotel where King Henry VIII frequently stayed when he came down to the sea on vacation. The nearby shopping mall is built around fortifications from Henry VIII’s reign. Why do I keep mentioning Henry VIII? Two reasons: One is that he is the only king, other than the current one, that I think most Americans have ever heard of. The other is that he was a fat power-mad pig who was notoriously awful to women.
See where I am going with this?
King Henry had a massive tantrum when he was told he couldn’t marry a hot girl he had met, and for the next 100 years, the English burned and tortured each other because of his tantrum. But when the dust settled, the English had the most powerful navy in the world. They then spent the next 300 years sailing around the world, robbing and killing everyone, until they became the richest country in history. Even today, this country, which is smaller than Michigan, has the sixth largest economy in the world, and there are 65 countries that have a day on their calendar when they celebrate finally getting rid of the British. And it all traces back to the tantrum of a power-mad pig who was notoriously awful to women.
History is long. Sometimes power-mad pigs make terrible decisions that turn out to have unintended but positive consequences.
I’m not suggesting here that Donald Trump might actually be a good president. Oh, God no, not at all. He’s going to be terrible. He’ll be an international embarrassment, trash the economy and ruin a lot of people’s lives. What I’m saying is that it will only be for four years, a blink of an eye, historically speaking, and America will certainly still be standing at the end of it. And who knows? Maybe something good might emerge from all the inevitable chaos.
Teenage rampage
That’s the European view of what just happened. The United States is a young country, a virtual teenager on the global stage, and like a teenager, it tends to get overly emotional at times. The BBC has been full of images this week of Democrats sobbing and hugging each other. I get it; it sucks. But we had our own issues with the same type of voters back in 2016, when we voted for Brexit, the option to leave the European Union. (I have no idea why such a complex issue was entrusted to voters, but that’s democracy.)
Hairdressers in Brixton and auto mechanics in Newcastle were asked to weigh in on British trade policy, and the predictable result has been an economic catastrophe. We’ve lost over $40 billion in trade and we have the worst economic growth of every G7 country. But it’s only eight years later and we’re starting to bounce back. Two blinks of an eye, and it’s all history.
History is long. Sometimes power-mad pigs make terrible decisions that turn out to have unintended but positive consequences.
Donald Trump is suggesting tariffs of 20 percent on all imports. (Our only significant export to the U.S. is luxury cars, so if you’re planning to buy an Aston Martin, you had better do it soon.) As soon as UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer heard that, he immediately called up European leaders to work out some kind of trade deal that might give us better options so we don’t have to deal with America.
America is going through a thing right now, as economists would say. The Europeans appear interested. In a few months, trade with the U.S. will be dictated by a complete bonehead who bases all his decisions on ideology that hasn’t been relevant since the Cold War ended, so over here in Europe we now need all the friends we can get. So that’s one unintended positive outcome. We might be able to reverse the damage of Brexit. It doesn’t help anyone in the U.S., but Trump is already doing his part in Making Britain Great Again.
So hang in there. Maybe something good will happen accidentally. Maybe take a trip over here, and see some thousand-year-old buildings, and realize that everything that’s going on now is just a blink of an eye, historically speaking.
And what happened with King Henry and the hot girl? He got bored with her and killed her. Trump has never done anything like that. So you could say things are looking up, historically speaking.
Iain Levison is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir A Working Stiff’s Manifesto: A Memoir of Thirty Jobs I Quit, Nine That Fired Me, and Three I Can’t Remember and the novels How To Rob An Armored Car, Since The Layoffs and Dog Eats Dog, among others. He lives in Southampton, England.
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